The Dynamic of Good and Poorly

From 7-29-25

I had a thought last night
and I had to get it down
so I climbed out of bed
and in the dark
I found my phone
and made this note:

I want to write
about the dynamic
of feeling good for a time,
like really good
and then, unsuspectingly,
doing really poorly
Or maybe not exactly poorly
but going from a 9ish out of 10
to a 3ish
and how it can happen
just like that
and how I can
ride out that low,
steady for a while
or it can get even lower
and how I can sit
in my car
or at the table
or at my desk
and use so much energy
in just fighting back tears
And for me,
not feeling what's behind
those tears
has become been so easy
and then one morning
after days of doing well
I can wake up
and Feeling just shows up
and wants to be present,
but this time
unlike so many times before
I can be there quietly
with it
I can gently push
against the unfeeling
and invite Sadness
into my present
and in some way
feel as if I can hold
its hand
And for once
it can be with me
and it can fill
my eyes with tears
even if I can't name
the reason or reasons why
And I'm okay
and we can just exist
together
unafraid and
unashamed
and brave
And what a gift it is
to have it with me
and to feel it
for a time.

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