I long to invite
the younger parts of me
into today
to try and recover
what was lost
when I made vows
to myself and my little world
That I would never allow myself
to be embarrassed
or attempt something
that I wouldn't quickly excel at
That I would make sure
I was liked by all
and wouldn't risk doing anything
that would change my relationships
And those vows I made
came with a great cost
as I look back
and think about
what feels like a life unlived
or at least
a life that felt
very rarely present
a life drained of its vitality
by trying so hard
to control my environment
and my place in it
and desperately trying to exist
in a way that kept me
from feeling so much discomfort
but all the while feeling
empty because of the price I paid
to exist that way
And I wonder what it looks like
to welcome those parts of me
into the now
to be curious about the vows I made
and the whys behind them
to be present
with those versions of me
and graciously seek understanding
so I can somehow
let go of the things that held me back
and welcome the best parts
that were always there
but struggled with being seen
Love this. ❤️